WTF am I doing…
Here is one I don't think I have posted yet. It was taken before I cut my hair and also roughly 40 or so pounds ago. As a boudoir photographer I tell everyone that they should do a boudoir session, it will help to see themselves in a new light. I have struggled a lot with my weight, most of you already know that. I never thought myself "good enough" at a lot of things, believe it or not... at my boudoir photography business too.
Like how tf can I tell other women to love themselves when I don't even love myself? When I am at my lowest point, I will legit pull out my tripod and set up my camera and take a few shots. I push thru it despite myself and the monsters in my head screaming at me that I am not good enough. I am not worthy of love and admiration. That's how I do it, every day... one day at a time. I conquer one beast at a time. Tackle one obstacle at a time, otherwise I get overwhelmed and then the monsters start to creep back in.
A lot of you tell me all the time, "idk how you do it... I admire you for what you do for others... etc etc..." Some days it still feels like a dream. Others it feels like a nightmare. IDK any other way to put it. Honestly I really thought this post was going in a different direction when I started it too, but here we are. I am constantly asking myself wtf am I doing here. The answer is... empowering other women because thats what makes me feel good at the end of the day. I am a people pleaser and always have been. More of a giver than a receiver, my husband loves that about me (wink wink). In learning that I will always view myself as “not as good as…” or “I will never be like…” I just started to shift my mindset when the monsters would creep in. For every bad thought I have about myself or the boudoir biz, I have to think of 10 positive things. Do you know how hard that is sometimes? You know what though, it really helps. As far as my “selfie” days, those are more for fun and artistic mindsets to get me back into a certain frame of mind.
When you find yourself in a pickle, self doubt, think you suck, your life is completely fucked.. whatever the case is… make a list of everything that is “wrong.” Next to that list, make another list of things that YOU can change. Next to that list, make a plan how you’re going to change those things. Then I want you to write down ten positive things about yourself and then repeat them. One by one you cross them off. This is how I do it. This is how I keep sane and run two businesses, manage a house with kids, and also work a part-time job.
All I gotta say is just keep truckin' babes. And if you need me… I am just a call/text message away.